"36Then Jesus came with them to a place called Gethsemane, and said to the disciples, 'Sit here while I go and pray over there.'37And He took with Him Peter and the two sons of Zebedee, and He began to be sorrowful and deeply distressed. 38Then He said to them, 'My soul is exceedingly sorrowful, even to death. Stay here and watch with Me.'
39He went a little farther and fell on His face, and prayed, saying, 'O My Father, if it is possible, let this cup pass from Me; nevertheless, not as I will, but as You will.'” Matthew 26:36-39 NKJV
The other day I was just feeling 'blah'--not good, not bad, just a little irritable, a little tired of the emotional games that I felt that were coming at me all at once--just 'blah'.
I kept denying it. Ignoring it. Pushing it to the side. I didn't want to acknowledge it. Because if I did, I would have to deal with it and I didn't want to. Didn't know if I had the energy or wisdom to deal with it. And of course, that just added to the irritable, 'blah' feeling--what a nasty cycle! Have you ever been in that place?
I was actually driving when I was going through this and I just felt the Lord on my shoulder whispering into my heart, "Give it to Me." "But Lord, it really isn't all that bad. Comparing my feelings with what is going on with the rest of the world, I really shouldn't be complaining. You have blessed me so much." "Give it to Me." "But I am suppose to be grateful and praise You in all things. I shouldn't be whining. What must You think of me?" "Give it to Me." "But I don't want to be codependent on others reactions to me. I should suck it up and just be who I am and let them be who they are and not worry about how full or empty my love cup is. I am the one who is making this a problem. Not You or them." "Give it to Me." Do you ever have these types of conversations with Him?
And then He gave me a vision.
The vision was the above verse. It's when Jesus was in the garden. I felt like God showing that even before the cross, He allowed Jesus to feel the same things as He knew we would. If you read verse 37 & 38, Jesus' spirit began to be sorrowful and deeply distressed--So much so, that He even shared it with Peter and the two sons of Zebedee. Don't get me wrong--I am not even comparing my emotions to the depth of what Jesus was feeling or the subject of those feelings--but I did feel that God was showing me that He even had Jesus share His feelings with those He trusted around Him--He didn't just keep them to Himself. And then in verse 39, Jesus shared those feelings with His Father. Jesus was REAL with His Heavenly Father. So it is what He wants--He wants to BE in our lives--not just on the outskirts. He wants us to be REAL. Do you see that? Can you acknowledge and receive that truth?
So please, don't let Satan or anyone talk you into the lie that you have to receive everything in your life with a smile on your face and a song in your heart. There will be times, as I have experienced, that you just need to be REAL with your Heavenly Father and spill out your guts--and accept that fact that it may not be all pretty and sweet smelling when you do. But God WANTS you to share it with Him. Because, to be honest, until you do, you will be crippled emotionally and spiritually. Why? Because you are stuffing it and whatever you stuff--God can't touch it. He will only take care of things that you give Him. So seriously, give whatever it is that is gnawing on you, to Him. He will receive it so gladly and take care of it much better than you ever could.
One quick side note--what about those times when we have to go back a second time and give the same issue to Him--is that acceptable? Look at verse 42:
42 Again, a second time, He went away and prayed, saying, “O My Father, if this cup cannot pass away from Me unless I drink it, Your will be done.”
Jesus shared not only once, but twice in this case, the same request, the same issue! Wow! Doesn't that give you the freedom to do the same? Our God is an AWESOME God! Praise Him today!
Dear Lord Jesus,
I just praise You! I praise that I am the child of such an awesome Father. I thank you for being the type of father that wants to be in my life--totally. That my feelings, no matter how little and childish they seem to me, are so important to you. That you will stop everything you are doing just to listen to me.
Thank you for giving me examples in your word that gives me permission and vision to be real with you. That even though the world may think that I am unimportant, to you, I am the most important person in your life.
Thank you that in your grace, when I do allow you into my life and share all things with you--the good, the bad & the ugly--I feel such a sense of peace and wholeness.
Please teach me to be more real with you every minute of every day. Please touch my spirit when I am not so that I can be more aware and follow through with your promptings.
I love you God. Thank you for everything.