Recently, the Lord has revealed something to me. It was very disturbing to my spirit but I had to own it. I'm going to share it with you because I have found, and maybe you have too, that usually when God is working a truth on you, that there is almost always someone else that needs the same gleaning or word of encouragement that we are getting and we need to share. So, here we go.
I am a people pleaser--I have shared that before. I worry very much about how others are perceiving me or what or how I 'think' others are perceiving me. In that worry, I have allowed myself to do or not do things that I am not proud of. I am constantly comparing myself, degrading myself and allowing myself to be talked out of doing something that the Lord may be telling me to do--with my self talk. I tell myself that I am stupid, ugly, fat and how in the world could Jesus really use someone like me? That people will not receive my words that I know the Lord has told me because, "Why, they think I am stupid and God wouldn't use someone like me."
Brothers and sisters, that is wrong! God brought to my heart and spirit the revelation that I need to beware of trying to see myself through other peoples eyes. That I am making what I 'think' others are seeing and thinking the truth over what I know that my God is seeing and thinking And when I am doing that, I am making them my idol. I am committing idolatry!
Oh, how that sadden and grieved my soul. I had to totally get on my knees and confess my sin and ask for forgiveness. For you see, God doesn't see me as I see me or how I 'think' others are seeing me. God has never said that I was ugly or fat or stupid--never! God has never said that He would never use me--no, completely the opposite. So why am I allowing what I think--(observe the 'think')--others are thinking and saying to control my life? Ridiculous! My God has always told me how much He loves me--in fact He treasures me, and how glad He is that I am His daughter and that as long as I have a willing spirit, He will use me.
So there--all my yuck is out there on the table. I'm not proud of it but I did it to hopefully get you to thinking--Do I do that? Am I making something that is not god, my God? It doesn't have to be like me, emotions. Your's may be money, fears, outward appearances, superb spirituality--the list could go on. I encourage you to do a self-check. Pray to your Father and ask Him if there is anything that He sees that you are making an idol--to point out. Then receive it. Seriously, it doesn't make you a bad person or a failure or anything else that the devil may be trying to whisper in your ear to make you stay in your own muck. Jesus wants to set you free from all of that.
You know, once I confessed and received forgiveness--I have had such a peace! I can truly love and serve and be and not get all wrapped up with the "what if's"! And of course, I need to say that, in my life, it is a daily battle. But now I am aware so when I feel or hear those thoughts, my spirit tells me it's poison and I then give them back to my God and He rescues me--and He will you!
What has also helped is having accountability people in my life that I have given permission to speak into my life if they see me going down the old familiar path again. These are people that I trust, that are grounded in the Word and that the Lord has told me to ask. You may think of that too.
Our God is such an awesome Father! Praise Him for ALL things!Even growing pains!
"A voice came from heaven and said, 'You are my Son, the one I love. I am very pleased with you.'” Mark 1:11 ERV